Who: A girl who has recently become vegetarian
Where: An abandoned car in the ditch of a county road
What does: Checks out the correspondence accumulated for days
The secret: Already knew that she could not back down now and must go on although she knew it would not work.
My kingdom for a piece of meat! My kingdom for a piece of 16 oz prime rib, medium rare with A-1 steak sauce and a Coke the size of my right arm. That’s all I need really. Forget breathing or shelter. Hell, forget sex. Just give me a T-bone steak!
I hate salads. And tomatoes. And beans. And anything that can’t be fried or breaded. I was okay with that lifestyle but when I saw fine-ass Lucas it was over for me. See, he was an Adonis, arms like sculpted masses of soft rocks and an ass that begged to be slapped. He had hair that I wanted to play with and skin so smooth I swore was made of velvet. I wanted him…bad. Here’s the problem, Lucas was a vegetarian who only dated vegetarians. So…you know know how that went. I total him I was a vegetarian virgin and bam! Instant boyfriend.
Three months. Three long meatless months with out a chicken breast or a wing. Torture! (Oh but watching Lucas wake up in the morning is poetry in motion.) So to celebrate by bunny-food eatin’ boyfriend decides to take me on a romantic weekend getaway. Great, huh? Yeah, until this fool told me where we were going.
“We’re going to Mt. Max.”
“What’s Mt. Max,” I asked naive to what was about to go down.
“A yoga retreat.”
“A yoga retreat for couples. I thought it would help with your stress, Jenai.”
“Lucas, I’m not stressed. I’m hungry.”
Then he proceeds to hand me a granola bar.
I went on the damn trip anyway. I grabbed my mail from the mailbox on the way out and thought, if push came to shove, I’d read my mail on the trip. I am nothing if not productive.
So there we were, 200 miles out when the car begins to cough like an old lady on an oxygen tank. And then steam starts to bellow out from under the hood. Lucas pulled over.
“Oh darn. I just had this worked on.”
Begins to tinker under the hood. Lucas doesn’t cuss at all so the next thing I hear are a string of “goshes” and “darns” “dang its”. When I finally hear doggoneit in a tone most people would say “damn”, I rolled down the window.
“Lucas, you okay?”
“Everything’s fine Jenai. I think I’m going to have to get us some help. I saw a gas station a couple of miles back. You going to be okay by yourself?”
I nodded and Lucas began to hike back toward the gas station.
After awhile, I grabbed for the pile of mail I brought with me. And there it was. A coupon for the annual all you can eat steakfest at Brandy’s. I loved their steakfest. All kinds of cuts. All kinds of grades. All meat, all the time. It was the only other time besides Thanksgiving that I wore the big pants. Oh for the love of the cows in Texas, why do I have to be a vegetarian right now!
My mouth began to water. Lettuce never made me feel this way. Salad dressing never made my mouth water. Soy and tofu never tastes as good as a freshly grilled hamburger with toasted buns. Ugh! Being a vegetarian was so un-natural like seeing cats and dogs get along or watching the ugly guy get the girl. It was an alternative universe.
That’s when I knew, it wouldn’t work out between me and Lucas. But I just couldn’t give him up. It was the best sex I ever had and walking away from that is its own alternative universe.
A knock at the window bolted me from my thought. A rotund and greasy man with dark blue overalls motioned for me to roll down the window.
“Are you Jenai?”
“Your boyfriend, Lucas said to come fetch you. He’s trying to get everything squared away with the dealership.”
His shirt said Darcy and I nearly laughed. Another alternative universe. Wouldn’t Jane Austin be proud.
The truck smelled like the number six from the Wendy’s menu and to me it was perfume. We chugged along the highway toward the gas station when I spotted a Whataburger.
“Do you mind?” I pointed to burger joint.
As I bit into a double cheeseburger, I thought to myself: What Lucas doesn’t know won’t hurt him.