This, in the year of revision, it’s difficult to see the small stuff behind the big stuff. The big stuff being all the changes in my life since January 1.
When I dubbed this the “year of revision” I thought I would be revising my thesis into a novel. Instead, my life has been revised and continues to be revised, edited.
For this, I am thankful.
Most would not see this as a year to be thankful. Between changing blogs, rebranding, trying my hand at being an authorprenur (which I’m not instantly good at but I’m learning more and more), and the ever evolving roles in my personal life, the constant change has been that — constant. And seemingly unending. This year has truly been one thing after another, one fire after the previous one had been extinguished, learning more about myself — both the good and bad sides, and all the while questioning whether I was strong enough to deal with it.
Answer: I’m still here. Breathing. Writing. Thinking. Of course I am. So, the revision continues.
I don’t want you to think, dear reader, that it has been all bad. Like in every revision, there are brilliant moments, ah-ha moments, triumphant moments, and clear, transparent moments. For those I am thankful, too. Immensely thankful.
I wonder sometimes, when will it all become easier — the revision of writing and of life — when does one enjoy the fruits of change? I’m still working on that answer. Maybe there isn’t one?
Or maybe the answer is different for each person? Regardless, it is my great privilege to attempt to figure it out.
So, what am I thankful for? There is a list in my head too long to write of people who already know that I am grateful for their friendship and their kind words. What I want to acknowledge are the small things that never are acknowledged and are passed up by the grandness of the holiday.
- I am thankful for every time someone said I couldn’t do something.
- I am thankful for the stress of being the first born, first generation in a family of warmth.
- I am thankful for the dirty looks, the gossip, and the people who supplied them. Even when they thought I wasn’t looking.
- I am thankful for my stubbornness directly inherited from one set of amazing parents
- I am thankful for the tears. Every single one of them, even those that didn’t deserve to exist.
- I am thankful for the people who have underestimated me because I look, talk, or act a certain way.
- I am thankful for my love of words and my respect for them.
I am thankful every day for all of this and so much more. Why? Because I am that much stronger as a person. A stronger me is a changed me, and a changed me makes me a better writer.
After all, isn’t that the point of revision?
Icess Fernandez Rojas is a writer, blogger, teacher, and journalist. Her commentary has appeared in The Guardian and on Huffington Post Latino Voices. Her fiction has been published in literary journals/anthologies such as Minvera Rising and Soul’s Road. She’s working on her first book and teaches fiction writing classes. Contact her or sign up to know more.