Dear Reader,

I wasn’t going to write about this experience for awhile since I’m still in the middle of the experience but my dumbness is listening to a podcast called Therapy for Black Girls and my thoughts and theories from the weekend have been solidified.

Last weekend, I started day one of two of the Turning Points in the Arc of Memoir Class. It is an intimate class; only five of us are in the class. This is such a special space. All of us are women, including the workshop facilitator. We are all writing stories that need to be told and, as it sometimes happens with a smaller intimate group, there’s an unexplainable magic — we are all at the point where we are ready to receive to be able to give.

That’s such a beautiful place to be at as a writer. It’s just about as sagrada as you can get, humbling yourself to the practice of the word.

As you know, I’m in listening mode. I’m reading and taking in information and stories. I’m thinking about directions on two major projects — the Jennie Manning novel and my memoir.

My memoir is something I don’t mention often. It’s still feeling like it’s mine and it’s still evolving. It still feels vulnerable. It’s been years since this happened.  While I have done much healing from it, it will be in the memoir. That means…

If I’m going to write this memoir, and write it right, I will have to go back into therapy.

And not just a tune-up therapy session. I am anticipating hurting, crying, and bleeding on the page. I am anticipating needing to take care of myself through the process in a way that is more deliberate than it is now.

A friend called it brave to do this. I don’t know about that.  I have this internal push for the truth of this story and I’m willing to do what it takes to tell it.

I want to understand why I came so close to ending it. I want to understand how people can hurt other people and keep moving through their lives. And I may never understand but I have to try.

Although it’s only been one class, I have an idea of a structure for this memoir and the themes that could emerge. A writing practice we did in class I believe could be part of the memoir.  We have the option of workshopping a couple of pages of our memoirs during the next session. I may take them up on that offer.

There’s so much to write about and so much to say.  I’m almost ready to say it.

In love and in silence,

-Icess