Dear Reader,

I’m checking in with you. How are you?

Seriously. How are you?

I just noticed that I’ve been in some kind of quarantine since AWP, more than 25 days ago. That’s almost a full month.

That explains why anxiety is working hard against me.

I’ve had a couple of bouts with shortness of breath. So much so I was worried.

Then, of course, it goes away. My body reacting to stress.

That’s why I was a bit worried about my Sanvello app results from last week. Anxiety was low but stress was high. I knew that the anxiety was coming since, for me, it manifests in my body and it’s delayed. I can be stressed and fine one week and the next days or weeks, my body is catching up.

  1. Then it’s the shortness of breath
  2. The “nervousness” feeling in my arms
  3. The thumping of my heart through my chest

I am, of course, a homebody. I am not worried about being home and spend most of my time at home anyway. I’m pretty equipped to be inside for long periods of times. Days. Weeks. Whatever.

But I do want the option of going to a movie once in a while.

I guess that is what I miss. Not the going to the movie but the option to do it. The option of looking at the movie times and deciding not to go.

I don’t even know what movies are playing.

I miss the option of working out in the park and bumping into another human being without being afraid that it can kill me or a family member.

That bothers me the most, the fact the options and safeguards are taken away.

I know the parks are open and social distancing in a thing but can I really take that chance?

So today, I am working on small things. I may just take a drive around just to drive around. Harris County is in a stay home order from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I need to get out, even if it is to remember how the car feels when it makes a left turn.

I’m going to check in with myself as often as possible. Keep my structure. Maybe have a Zoom call with a friend or two.

I have started sitting out on my porch in the mornings, Drinking coffee and journaling. That has made me feel more normal too. And I realized, how beautiful everything is when it’s quiet.

I like staring at the sky through the trees.

But I knew that already. I enjoy the solitude.

I am finding that I don’t enjoy it as much when it is all my survival, not part.

Let me know how you’re doing,