I’m checking in with you. How are you?
Seriously. How are you?
I just noticed that I’ve been in some kind of quarantine since AWP, more than 25 days ago. That’s almost a full month.
That explains why anxiety is working hard against me.
I’ve had a couple of bouts with shortness of breath. So much so I was worried.
Then, of course, it goes away. My body reacting to stress.
That’s why I was a bit worried about my Sanvello app results from last week. Anxiety was low but stress was high. I knew that the anxiety was coming since, for me, it manifests in my body and it’s delayed. I can be stressed and fine one week and the next days or weeks, my body is catching up.
- Then it’s the shortness of breath
- The “nervousness” feeling in my arms
- The thumping of my heart through my chest
I am, of course, a homebody. I am not worried about being home and spend most of my time at home anyway. I’m pretty equipped to be inside for long periods of times. Days. Weeks. Whatever.
But I do want the option of going to a movie once in a while.
I guess that is what I miss. Not the going to the movie but the option to do it. The option of looking at the movie times and deciding not to go.
I don’t even know what movies are playing.
I miss the option of working out in the park and bumping into another human being without being afraid that it can kill me or a family member.
That bothers me the most, the fact the options and safeguards are taken away.
I know the parks are open and social distancing in a thing but can I really take that chance?
So today, I am working on small things. I may just take a drive around just to drive around. Harris County is in a stay home order from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I need to get out, even if it is to remember how the car feels when it makes a left turn.
I’m going to check in with myself as often as possible. Keep my structure. Maybe have a Zoom call with a friend or two.
I have started sitting out on my porch in the mornings, Drinking coffee and journaling. That has made me feel more normal too. And I realized, how beautiful everything is when it’s quiet.
I like staring at the sky through the trees.
But I knew that already. I enjoy the solitude.
I am finding that I don’t enjoy it as much when it is all my survival, not part.
Let me know how you’re doing,